Jane's Blog

Edit: please see this link for details of Jane’s funeral

It is with great sadness that I have to tell you that Jane died, peacefully, in her sleep this evening after her long and courageous battle with bowel and liver cancer. I have just come off the phone from Paul, who was with her.

I first met Jane when we were students at Leed’s University. Although I was an engineering student, most of my friends were dentists or medics. After leaving Leeds, I pursued my own career, while Jane remained in her beloved Yorkshire, and we lost touch until eighteen months ago when I heard, through our mutual friend Faith (also a dental student) that she had been diagnosed with bowel cancer. I had experienced a few health problems myself, so I was delighted to get back in touch, and was pleased to find the years roll away, talking not just about the past, but the present, and meeting up again with Paul, and then James and Michael.

We had talked from the outset that it was a serious disease, and Jane was under no illusions that the fight would be easy. As time progressed it became clear that it was one step forwards and two steps back, but Jane never lost her sense of humour, or her resolve to keep on fighting. While she accepted the inevitable, she was never resigned to it.

I was able to make several trips up to Yorkshire (still feels like ‘going home’) to see her, and to meet up with Dorothy, her mother. The last one was only three weeks ago – a meeting that we both knew would be the last one on this earth, and one that we had both acknowledged would arrive.

One of the things we discussed at that last meeting was how much she was loved, and how she had made a positive difference to the lives of all that knew her. She readily accepted the first, saying how much the support of all her friends had meant to her, the visits, cards, phone calls, text messages and e mails all gave her strength. But with characteristic modesty she was slightly surprised at the second, but eventually conceded that ‘maybe’ she had. So typical of Jane!

Jane also drew strength from her Faith, and her wider Church family, and above all from her family. She had no regrets, and remarked that she had been blessed with a terrific marriage to Paul and wonderful family with James and Michael.

We spoke briefly in the few days, the last time was on Saturday, the day before she was admitted to the hospice. She was characteristically courageous – but it was a poignant goodbye.

My thoughts and prayers are now with Paul, James and Michael, and her mother, Dorothy. It is difficult to think of a suitable epitaph – perhaps Matthew 25 v21 “Well done, good and faithful servant” – but my memory will be what was a joke when we used to lapse into ‘Yorkshire dialect’. So, Jane, “I’ll sithee” – and in reply I can hear her voice – “aye – ‘appen!”

Two more good and dear friends called round this evening – Ted and Vicky. I had originally been introduced to Vicky as my Health Visitor when James was born, some 23 years ago. We got on very well, and then Ted and I started climbing together, and another new and very happy relationship was born!

Whenever we went out on the crags together, the day always started with ‘Have you got the chocolate cake, girl?’, as it was expected that I would provide cake for the crags! So, as we still had some Smartie cake left over from yesterday’s visit, Ted did the only decent thing and ate Vicky’s cake to prevent her putting on excess weight (I think that’s what was said…!!), and everyone seemed happy with the situation.

It was lovely to see them once again and to catch up with Ted’s recent visit to the Isle of Skye. For anyone interested, the cake is disappearing fast, so do make your presence known fairly soon if you still want some!

I marred my copy book somewhat yesterday afternoon. The plan had been to see some of my LDI colleagues after their Race for Life at Pontefract Racecourse, but I started with a migraine at about 3pm, so that had had to be shelved. Instead, Jane R and her husband Peter very kindly called round to see me after work today, bringing a chocolate ‘Smartie’ cake along with them. In return, we had a good natter, fed them a bite to eat, and then took their photograph.

No prizes for guessing who’s who in the picture!

My close friend, Elizabeth, called round on her way home to Scotland, having spent the weekend at a family gathering ‘down South’. She and James decided to finish off the last of the clotted cream scones for lunch – the result being happy, smiling and contented faces!

Well, I think it’s time to reveal our mystery guest. For those of you who were at Leeds University Dental School back in the late 70s and early 80s, it was a picture of our good friend, John Roberts, who was on the same course as us whilst at University.

It was delightful to see John when he called round the other evening, and today we had another lovely time when Judith and Dina called – Judith bringing an afternoon tea of scones and clotted cream (which brightened up the boys’ afternoon no end, I can tell you!), and Dina bringing an arrangement that she had done of freesias plus other beautiful flowers, making the house smell wonderful. We are very lucky indeed to have such thoughtful friends.

Dina is to the left of the picture, Judith to the right, with me ‘un-photoshopped’ in the middle!

Proving that it’s possible just to have a little too much of your Mother’s DNA, this (above) is Michael wearing my wig (not so sure that he meant the ‘thumbs up’ now that he’s seen it though!): as opposed to this (below), which is Michael freshly scrubbed and out of the shower, and with his more ‘natural’ hair state!

And

It’s not many folk who receive a set of World Cup Football cards from their Medical oncologist, but Dr H and I had a good chat earlier this week – mostly about the football, it has to be said – and just today a package arrived from her with some cards in it, as she knew the menfolk in the family wouldn’t be interested in the World Cup, but that I was. What a cracking woman!!

A face from the past ‘dropped by’ this evening to say hello. No prizes for guessing who, but maybe one or two of my friends from Dental School days will know who he is. No time to photoshop my complexion today, so I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with the ‘yellow’ look this time!

Yesterday (June 4th) was our 27th wedding anniversay – a big milestone in anyone’s book, but especially so for me at this particular stage of my life. I was determined to get here, and had effectively been ticking off the days for a while.

We didn’t do anything special – I am so weary nowadays that just getting up and getting washed drains the energy from me – but we did receive lots of phone calls and short visits from friends, so the hankie was a little on the permanently damp side and required wringing out at fairly regular intervals.

The boys both received brand new PC flatscreen monitors yesterday, so were tripping round the house like a couple of dogs with two tails they were so pleased! Michael also got an OM adapter for the digital camera, meaning that he can now use our old Olympus SLR lenses on his new Lumix camera – so he had even more reason to celebrate. The photo he took of us didn’t require any special lens though – just a bit of ‘touching up’ to get me looking a little more normal in colour!

The title of this blog could be taken in one of two ways: firstly, I am back from the hospital where I spent one night (one was enough) under the care of the Oncology Ward whilst they tried to fit a stent to my biliary duct to drain off the excess bile (I look as though I have been Tango’d!). Unfortunately, having carried out the endoscopy, it wasn’t possible to fit the stent.

The next day I spoke with Dr Hofmann, and we have now reached the point where no more active treatment will be offered, so I am under the care of the Palliative Team. I did ask Dr H if we should ask Michael to come home, and she said she thought that was a very good idea. This was the one promise that I had asked her to keep with me – to get him home before I became too seriously ill to appreciate his presence.

After a short Skype chat to Michael later that day – during which he smiled and pointed the webcam at the neatly stacked pile of suitcases he had already packed – he told us that he had already made the decision to come home and his flights were all booked. What a wonderful surprise for me – my sons never cease to amaze me with their thoughtfulness!

So, Paul nipped over to Manchester Airport this morning, and Michael has just walked through the door with a very big grin on his face. I suspect he has very mixed emotions – yes, it’s good to be home (and he said he’d made the conscious decision to come home last week after Paul’s email to him), but he will miss his friends out in Kobe. He definitely wants to go back: not to live but to travel around and see various parts of the country that he hasn’t been able to visit during his Year Abroad.

Leeds University didn’t exactly cover themselves in glory last Tuesday when he was phoned by his personal tutor, only to be told that as he was leaving early he would effectively fail his Second Year (despite passing his exams, all his assignments, etc). We were somewhat taken aback by this news, but I said ‘Don’t worry, son, your Dad will be onto this problem later this afternoon’ – and so he was! Thankfully, Leeds now seem to have seen sense, and have given their permission for him to have extended leave, and will work out some sort of mutually acceptable plan with Kobe Gakuin University. What a relief…!

Last Tuesday saw us driving down the M62 once again, in the direction of Manchester Airport. Fortunately the traffic, although heavy, kept moving and we arrived in plenty of time for Michael’s flight.

After checking in, we all went for a drink and a bite to eat. I was surprised by how few people there were in the airport building, in comparison with how many were there when I collected Mike four weeks ago. However, when we went up to the departure lounge an hour or so later, there were quite a few people checking in, all being watched by two very heavily armed Policemen, complete with Tasers. We all behaved impeccably, needless to say!

After hugs all round (words didn’t need to be spoken), it was time for Mike to leave. We’ve had a wonderful 4 weeks together, and have made many more happy memories. Sayonara, Mike!